Thoughts on life, and living — Part I

Some learnings I’d like to share :)

As a bit of a deviation from our usual programming, I thought I would like the time to share some aspects about how I have learnt to approach life, and living; this is not a philosophical rant, but rather a few principles that I have found to be useful, when dealing with life and its many challenges.

Now, at the outset, let me clarify that as humans, we are all different; we have different starting points, life experiences, pains and joys.

There is no one-size-fits-all here; however, there are some principles that have echoed throughout time, over cultures and generations; and I believe, there is always value in examining these principles more closely.

So, with that said, let’s talk about 3 such principles here.

1. The value of pain and suffering in our lives
2. Understanding your locus of control
3. What does it mean to be happy?

I’ll spend a few lines, not more, on each of the 3 points above; note that, a lot of the influence here comes from Stoic philosophy, which I would highly encourage you to read, if the notes in this post appeal to you.

So -

The value of pain and suffering in our lives

• We all move through life, and transition with age; in terms of body shape, size, intellect etc. and gradually gain an understanding of our environment and the world at large, with the information we are exposed to, the life experiences we have and the culture that shapes us.
• Can we say, then, that ‘growth’ is a central theme of living? Growth implies that all things evolve, and move from an initial state, transition, and then finally pass, as all things do. Can we also say, that growth is an essential part of life, and determines to an extent, it’s overall quality?

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ― Muhammad Ali

• As humans, then, the question is, what do we need to do or get exposed to, to facilitate this growth?
• My $0.02 is that, it is really pain and suffering, when used in the right manner, makes a human grow and evolve into the best version of themselves. This applies in most contexts — you want to build a good physique and be healthy, you want to master a skill, you want to pursue a mental or a physical challenge; no matter what, you need to expose yourself to unfamiliar, uncomfortable environments, which are going to be a form of pain and suffering.

Think about this question -

What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?
To a large extent, the answer is going to determine who you are likely to become.

Understanding your locus of control

• There is one single mantra to reduce unnecessary pain and anxiety in life.
• The question is — “Do I have control over this? Is this something I can influence and change”?
• Most things that trouble us in life fall into the category of things we do not control, and such things take up most of our time and attention, with futility.
• On the other hand, key aspects of our life such as, our habits, health and wellness, work ethic, our attitudes towards others etc. are things that we have great or full control over, but seldom exercise that control to improve our lives.

This is one thing I remind myself of, whenever I feel overwhelmed by negativity (there is surely no shortage of that in the world these days).

And perhaps the most interesting thing, is, that your locus of control (the set of things you have direct or partial control over), gradually expands as you master this principle; someone who is able to discipline themselves, work hard, build up their skills and gain wealth & influence, can now use that to expand their locus of control into areas that were initially outside their boundary.

What does it mean to be happy?

I once attended a meditation retreat, where an man was asked by the teacher — “Are you happy?”, to which the man replied, “Oh, not right now. But I will surely be, once I finish my degree and get a job.”

The teacher nodded, and asked around for folks who had just got a job and were working, and asked them the same question — “Are you happy”?

A few replied, yes, but they would probably be happier once they got that promotion; Or got married; or until some event in the future happened, or until something about the present was changed.

• The takeaway here was clear — it seemed based on this experiment, that happiness was to be a never ending pursuit, of feeling that we can only achieve it if we create a utopian, ideal situation for ourselves. Happiness cannot exist in an environment where things are not ideal.
• On the contrary, life is never, ever was and is going to be ideal. Even the most privileged persons in the world would have aspects of their life which aren’t ideal, and perhaps never will be.

Can’t happiness, perhaps, co-exist with the challenges and pains of life?

Isn’t it on each one of us to find the joy within ourselves in the midst of difficulties?

If we don’t each try to find a way to do this, we may always go through life waiting for that next thing to happen, before we let ourselves be happy.

Of course, I don’t mean to minimize the practical complexities of individuals and experiences I have not shared, and their associated struggles, but perhaps these could be a few small thoughts seeded in you, that lead to some positivity.

I hope it does :)